To Really Love a Woman

By David Block

A bumbling fool is a perfect description of many husband characters on television today. He's lazy , clueless and half-witted. He's always at odds with his wife and barely knows his kids. His main concerns are sports, the almighty dollar and ogling young women. His wife is continually disappointed and consequently, disrespecting to him. The kids have even less respect for him. Is this what it means to be a husband? Is this reality? If it is then I hope that I seriously fail.

When compared to the biblical standard, the TV husband doesn't even come close. I believe that the TV husband's main deficiency is in the area of love. I'm not talking about the cheesy, self-serving, oops-I-accidentally-did-something-right-that-looks-like-love love (that is in overabundance) but true self-sacrificing love. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes,

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish,” (Ephesians 5:25-27).

No one ever said that being a husband would be easy. To be a Christian husband is even harder. To understand what it truly means to be a husband a man must come to grips with the phrase, “as Christ loved the church...” How does Christ love the church? How did he display his love in the past and now? These are important questions to answer because they mean the difference between being an idiot full of shame or being a true husband.

Christ's love for the church is the model for the husband's relationship with his wife. Christ's love is an extraordinary; or , to be more accurate, a supernatural love. We, as humans, can only hope to achieve a small likeness to his great love. Yet, this small likeness is what we've been called to.

Just having the knowledge of Jesus' amazing love is not enough it needs to be applied and lived out. Following the ideas set forth by Paul in Ephesians we discover that a husband's love should do the following:

1. A husband must give up his life for his wife. Does this mean that he must give up his identity or everything that he enjoys? No, but if his wife wants to go shopping while the game is on (even the playoffs), off to the store he will go. Does a good husband have to give up all his friends and break ties with some of his family? If they are harmful or distracting to his wife, then yes. His wife is number one and he must guard his relationship with her even to the point of his own death.

2. A husband must sacrifice without complaint. We never read of Jesus complaining about having to die for the church. He never complained about the long hours, no pay and constant harassment. He was struck, spat upon, and mocked but spoke not a word. Did he enjoy this? Of course he didn't, but gladly endured it for his bride. The same needs to be for all husbands. We need to go dress shopping though we find no pleasure in it. There cannot be any complaint on our lips. Be glad that you can do something for your wife that you wouldn't normally do on your own. In this way you are shadowing the perfect love of God.

3. A husband needs to set his wife apart from all other women. Just as Christ called out and is calling his bride out from within the world, we to need to be at the work of separating our wives from the world. A husband needs to protect his wife from the advances of other men. We need to have a holy jealousy. We need to make it possible for our wives to be fully devoted to us. She should have no reason to look at another man. Likewise, if a another man talks to our wife he should find a woman that is completely off limits to him because of her total devotion to her husband.

4. Husbands need to be full of forgiveness. This forgiveness is not self-serving ; but is non-conditional. When the forgiveness of God rests on a person it encompasses all trespasses and sins. There is no sin so grievous that can separate us from the love of God. A husband must forgive his wife as Jesus forgave, and continues to forgive the church. No matter what the church does or a wife the groom must forgive.

5. A husband needs to be their wife's pastor. Jesus, the Word, came and gave his disciples all of the words from the Father that they needed to know for life and salvation. Jesus was continually teaching his followers as they walked along the road, as they lied down and as they rose. Husbands are called to the same task. His love should cause him to teach his wife all that he knows about God's word. Of course, this means that the husband must be a student of the word, diligently gleaning knowledge that he might impart.

6. In the end a husband will present his wife and children to the Lord. All of the acts of Christ's love culminate in the presentation of the church to himself. As a husband enters into eternity he will give account for how he loved his wife. In a sense, a Christian wife and children are a gift that a husband gives to the Lord. If the husband has been diligent in his labor, complete in his love, then he will receive a great reward for being a good steward and pastor of His children

To love a woman exactly as Christ loved the church is an obvious impossibility for a sinful man, but that shouldn't discourage us from trying our best to come as close as we can. How could we not try in light of the love and sacrifice of our Lord? As men, God has set this task before us. It is an easy burden, as all are from the Lord, but one of extreme importance and honor. For to shadow the love of Christ, being granted the Spirit to empower us, is an amazing gift and blessing. May we all strive to hear the words, “Well done good and faithful servant.”